Dark Seed is really the story of Dark And Darker Gold a great estate agent more than anything else. The in-game description of the mansion Mike somehow managed to buy—on a writer's budget incidentally—goes as follows: "Your house seems somehow out of time, a relic of a dark past, or perhaps a dark future."

It's like he got drunk, bought it on eBay, and woke up the next morning to find the keys in the mail and the original vendor already half-way through spending his life savings on booze and a stripper called Sinnermyn Buns. Every room is more unappealing than the last. 

Mike's bed is "uninviting", his lounge "decrepit", his kitchen, my favourite, "you wouldn't want to eat anything from this kitchen until the cleaning lady has disinfected it." Upstairs, windows are broken, outside, the garage entirely filled with a broken-down car.

You know you've made poor decisions when you step through a magic mirror into a nightmarish world built of death and decay, and your house looks only slightly better. Full of talking points. Well, spikes. But if you put a head on them, they would talk.

Now, the big problem with the whole 'evil mirror' thing is a bit of a doozy. Specifically, that the first time Mike sleeps in his new house, he finds himself in an alien lab being implanted through a skull-vagina with an alien embryo. And this is what happens to Dark And Darker Gold Coins kids who TILT! the machine one too many times.